I have an odd dream, more like a recurring concern. I know that it’s irrational and, for the most part, improbable but it’s there and it isn’t going away. Kind of like an annoying family member or Blackburn Rovers.
It is that one day I will wake up and be trapped in the mind and body of my cat (above).
I wake up and I am lying in some improbable sleeping position on a pillow. I can see my human self looming, all gangly limbs and massive hands. I stare at myself as I walk about the house. Following myself to the kitchen I jump on to the table, surprising myself with the ease of motion I posses. Probably, I will think later, due to the fact that I only weigh 3 kilos. I sit and watch. I try and tell “me” that I am him and not me but it just comes across as a miaow. I try repeatedly but still as a “miiiiiaaaaooow”.
Slowly the much larger me turns and makes unintelligible noises, walks towards me. Rubs the top of my head, shaking my brain and forcing my eyes closed. It doesn’t hurt but it is really rather annoying. Like, really fucking annoying.
Large hands then approach grab hold of me, I am powerless as I am lifted off my paws and into the air. I protest, but, again it is just a “miaow”. All that runs through my mind is, “I am going to bite you. Not now, but soon you prick”.
He then places me down and walks off somewhere. I am left on the table consumed by hatred and an overwhelming desire to clean my legs.
I wake up as myself, in human form (or as near as I ever am) and the cat is looking at me. Unblinking. She approaches and then bites my arm.
The little shit